If I am a fallen angel?

I see in eyes of my mind
The illusion of my wanting,
Desire to flow
in the different river
Of time.
Arrive anywhere except here.

A faster version of life
to sail away from this lonely Island,
from my suffocated heart.
Only the ocean knows,
The secrets beneath my calm
Stone by stone,
The destiny carves
and my soul trembles;
looking at me from
depth of the earth inside
fading away in your love.

Ah, I love you without knowing
why or how.
You are my man,
You are my woman,
You are another me for me.

That is all I see in the sky,
That is all I feel in my heart,
Day by day,
A huge pregnant me
with your waiting.

What am I waiting for?
Your call, your letter,
Your mesmerizing voice,
What am I waiting for?
For you to come,
For a thread of your garland of sun.
Waiting feels like a long tight corridor
With many unopened doors
Ongoing azure blue
in emptiness
to the point,
that longing changes
the shape of my heart
Syllable by syllable
To your love song.
And then no-thing.

Do I want more love
Or it is in wanting less
That makes me
To lose my sense of direction
To forget
how to return to my wholeness,
after every intimate encounter
with love, hoping this time,
the mirror will be strong enough
to capture the essence,
to captive my heart
in love

I am tired just
to be heard as words,
These nostalgic mushrooms,
Are real,
The thorns left in my heart,
are real,
I can’t show my human pain,
There is no word
Invented to express
What your love does to my heart.

So I write about my origin,
The ancient woman
Behind the space,
Her lines, her breasts,
The softness of her skin
The sadness of her smile,
Her half soul, half flesh
Half knowing, half wanting
And her passionate wholeness,;
To promise
to pursue
wanting you
in everything,
in everyone.

It is your wind that blows me
back to embrace life
And yet I never see
you more than a glance,
Never feel you
more than a touch,
I am thirsty,
I want to kiss your dark shadows
Coast to coast,
Invite your warm weight
Back again on top of my being,
Release dust, water and stars,
Inside my wanting,
Open a passage of light
Drop after a drop,
Merge in me,
Die in me
Loving me,
Till nothing
be left from me.

you can’t visit
my place anymore
Without giving me back
my mended
white wings.
I must fly,
Earth could not
hold me any longer
If I am a fallen angel,
I say,
My heart is buried
in the ashes of sorrow,
I must rise,
nothing else
could fill my thirsty cup
the ripen fruit of
your heavenly love.

You promised me the eternity
And left my heart alone
in dark hunger of the mortal earth
to lose my voice,
To be consumed in fire of wanting,
Swept through all things
And fell,
fell deeper in human emotions,
In passing clouds,
without having even a dot
light or dark,
To anchor
my soul.

Didn’t you hear my hums
My longing verses,
My cry to be held
In your loving arms,
My voice
sank on your dark cathedral
and your silence broke my heart
in pieces.

Finally, my heart move out
from the cage of mind
speaking through my soul,
I am no longer
a fallen angel
My beloved,
I mended my wings,
I washed my sins,
I want no-thing
I sink in peace,
Facing your coasts
My smile is true
So my shattered heart,
I just beg
to be recieved.

I carry light,
And three sacred words
“I love you.”
As I am crossing over
I know,
my death is powerful,
and the love I leave behind
your untouchable truth.

© Serena Devi, october 2011