When I began to honor the voice of my heart, I walked in streets with nothing, with no one as such. Strangers opened their hearts and doors of their home. I received shelter, food, companionship and above all I learnt to be so grateful to All there is.
In September 2017 while I was with One suitcase and alone with an empty bench on Brighton pier, I reach out to few souls I knew and One of them offered her mum’s empty flat in Shorham ( about 5 miles away from Brighton/Uk) and the initial stay was for two weeks, so i can rest my tired body from no sleep and hardness of not having a bed. That became a 5 months stay between walls of another. At this time, her elderly mother was between hospital and care house and it was close to end of the year that she crossed over. I wrote a letter to her, Agnes, my unmet friend and host, whom I never met and her home became mine.
I have so many stories, moving stories of the truth walking path which I believe, this summer is the right time to have them all written, on pages of love and gratitude, to all roads I have crossed, to all people I have met, shared a moment, a piece of bread, a sip on a coffee, hours of tears, embrace of oneness, and above all the love of God. If there is one thing I can tell to others, it will be to trust life. Trust your heart, you are everything, you are the question and your are the answer.
~To Agnes ~
My heart writes your name is so many different ways.
I came and reside between the walls of your home, in your absent.
Life time memories and souvenirs of a well lived life sang a beautiful melody of who you were.
Your chair became mine, your new frying pan warmed and nourished my food.
When I ran out of money, I ate your fish and chips.
Gradually and gratefully I rested more into your vast generous heart without knowing each other as such.
Every day I woke up, talking to bedroom’s walls and empty bed beside mine, wishing your wellness and peace.
Not knowing how to thank a stranger who I am trusted with all her earthly treasures
And her face is still not known to my eyes,
And yet, feels our hearts are intertwined forever.
I just came back from your funeral, love is cracking my heart.
I love you so much, grace of your breath landed on my fragile bones,
Ah, sweet Agnes, today you became my own daughter in another life.
The heart of soul sang in silent tears,
I am back sitting on your chair, tearful.
Your fragrance is in every room.
We never met, not tin his life.
Somehow God designed this magical crossing
Between two worlds.
Your ashes are from my human bones, and the ache of truth,
pressing thorns of the majestic rose deeper to celebrate the life you are, an eternal river returning home.
Your life blessed mine, your passing opened a new gate.
the impact of your life on mine just unveiled in storms of emotion, rising in flames,
touching the celiings of sky while a royal chariot caries your beloved soul to the source of all.
I learnt from your kitchen cupboard, breadcrumbs, how much your loved cranberry sauce, fish and chips with vinegar.
The painting of Shoreham seaside on a wall, and Ann- Marie voice when she spoke of your 90th Birthday, I saw you there, through the eyes of my heart.
And the exchanged stories between your old fashion hair brush next to mine.
I see you now and the purpose of this hard and yet magical connection between us.
Ah, my beloved Agnes, your life sheltered mine.
Your passing was my sign.
I also leave soon with my small suitcase and unforgettable memories of everyday I lived between these walls. I found a holy Grail in heart of my friend Ann Marie and the gaze of love we never shared and yet connected us beyond words.
You are at peace now and the wind of Highlanders will keep you safe
In forever love.
I saw you today, for the last time, like a queen on throne of floating clouds, disappeared behind faraway windmills of God.
I came as a stranger and I leave as a mother buried her beloved child.
There is an ocean of tears dropping from my eyes since
Early hours of today.
Beloved, We both entered to our new beginnings,
I walk on earth while your laugh echo n heaven’s garden.
Farewell my sweet shy beloved rose, may the gentleness of your heart
Carries me in forever joy of oneness with all.
Now, whenever I lighten a candle, make a fresh pot of tea and eat short-breads
Will be always with you.
Rest in peace, you are deeply loved.